Othering

"There are a you and an I, and there is no mine and yours! For without a you and an I, there is no love, and with mine and yours there is no love but “mine” and “yours” (these possessive pronouns) are, of course, formed from a “you” and an “I” and as a consequence seem obliged to be present wherever there are a you and an I. This is indeed the case everywhere, but not in love, which is a revolution from the ground up. The more profound the revolution, the more completely the distinction “mine and yours” disappears, and the more perfect is the love". Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love, Hong p. 266

It is the job of every two year old to figure out what is me and not me, learning all the differences and distinctions between things and other things. It does help one to navigate around the world of things to know which ones are good to eat, safe, and so on.  This is called discerning.

But now I am well past two in years, and in me the practice of discerning has become judging. This is 'othering'. This habit of judging others has become solitary confinement for my ego. It has become  isolating, automatic and limiting. 

I cruise around the world gawking at the weird assortment of humans in my path, getting little ego jollies feeling superior for this and that little flaw I spot. This of course covers over a feeling and habit of feeling inadequate and inferior! These things usually appear in pairs of opposites, two sides of the same coin.

The flaws of others irritate me the most in one or other of the following cases: either I just quit doing the thing that I am judging in someone else, or, I still do it too! The roots of the impulse to judge do reveal that we are not really all that separate, else we would not be interested enough to bother to compare and judge. We identify enough with others to compare, before driving in the psychic wedge.

 A boy who grew up on a farm remarked that he and his friends formed deep loving bonds with the pet animals, but the ones who were destined to become food were hated and regarded with contempt. They had to 'other' the food animals or they would not be able to eat them later.

Maybe as I raise my consciousness enough to behold the ways we are not separate, the othering impulse will begin to give way to compassion. Maybe I will realize that if I had had all of the same experiences the other person had had, I would do the same thing as them. Perhaps I will then have a glimpse of 'inter being'.