To Fight or to Win?

"Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting."-Sun Tzu

Or, better yet, (so goes the quote, something like), if they do not even know there was a dispute. I've always been an activist, from an activist family. I believe in nonviolence, except to intervene to save someone from being attacked or whatnot, obvious things like that. We do need strong forces for defense in such emergency situations.

But there arise more subtle questions when we deal with protesting against more longstanding, entrenched oppression. Recently I have been questioning some of my political tactics. I wonder if it is all that effective to drag opponents censoriously into the light of my point of view. I'm really not sure. Do we want to fight, or do we want to win? 

Some suggest that shaming an individual who engages in hurtful actions is using some sort of violence against them. Is this true? Maybe it is, I'm coming to feel. I feel shame a lot. Probably too often. I was brought up by non spanking, liberal, logical consequences style parents, who still managed to instill a strong sense of shame in me. Am I confusing this with the thing I call conscience?

I wonder if there may be a more gentle way to get through to perpetrators. Obviously the first thing to do is to interrupt the crime and protect the victim, but then what? Revenge and punishment seem to perpetuate the cycle of anger. Maybe we can do without guilting and shaming. Perhaps these are violent tactics. I would rather find a way to get to mutual understanding, instead of guilt, if I hurt someone.

If it is true that we are all here in this little room called the universe together forever, then we have to make peace with each other. I wonder if we can find ways toward understanding without even the violence of shame, even when we are called upon to use firmness and resolution to stop oppression. Can we love the ones against whose actions we are protesting, as much as we love ourselves?