Phubbing Etiquette
Phubbing (phone snubbing) is the word invented recently for the act of ignoring the people you are with, to stare at your handheld glowing device. We have all done it at this point, and we all know how rude it feels when someone does it to us. And then there is public phone use etiquette. People complain long and loud about the rudeness of being out in public being subjected to the half conversations of others who are talking on their cell phone. Who has not responded to a bystander, thinking they were talking to you, but they were on the phone?
Various ways of coping with these problems are being developed in our culture. A group sits around a table, and everyone puts out their device, face down on the table in front of them. Rules, like no devices at the family dinner table. Or everyone consensually sits around together, each in their own separate cyberworld.
This also works quite well out in public. Sometimes people standing nearby will even chime in on the matter being discussed, usually with helpful information or humorous comments. They feel included, and sociable instincts are activated instead of alienating ones.
At home, we also do this with texting. There is nothing more annoying than being with a friend who suddenly begins typing on a little display screen instead of being present with you, right? So what we do at our house, is say out loud what we are typing. People are curious. This is quite natural, and so if you let them in on the matter at hand, the flow of togetherness is not breached. We mutter what we are typing, out loud, and even read some messages we receive out loud. Not the irrelevant ones like “your payment was received”, but the social ones, like “so and so wants to know what we are up to today”.
We are social creatures. It is stressful to tolerate rudeness. Our new toys should bring us greater comfort and flow, not the reverse. My frame of reference when confronting any new technological social situation is to compare it to the small tribe mindset. In the small tribe, everyone knows your business. We are adapted to this from thousands of years of living this way. People step away together for intimate moments, but generally we all know what everyone is up to, and conversely, we have continuous access to each other’s basic resources and know how.
The other thing I reference when confronting a new social phenomenon, is to ask, what kind of world would I want live in? It is kind of a turn off to find oneself sitting around a room in a social event, only to hear nothing at all but the occasional click and ding, as everyone stares at their individual communication device, with their heads elsewhere, in “social media!” What is next, one might wonder, implants, so seamless, that people are perpetually suspended in this hypnotic state?
No, this is not the future, or for that matter the present I would like to see. I ask, if I could have everything I want, then what? If I did not have to strive for any outcome, achieve any goal, attain any social status, what then would I choose to do, have, and be? I would be in love. I would be in beauty. I would express love and create beauty for the simple joy of doing so and sharing it. That is really not so different from how our ancient tribal ancestors lived.
